Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
