So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
