Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
