oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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