I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
why is half of my head shaved?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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