it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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