If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
