So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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