just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
