rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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