This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
