Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
being pregnant is like rehab
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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