I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
