I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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