I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
