you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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