It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
