hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
