so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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