Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
