i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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