ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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