I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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