you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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