Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your dad touched me again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The air was thick with penises
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
