is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
In America we eat man semen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
