i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
