y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
