in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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