So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
