There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I smell stomach acid.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
