all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize