My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
