I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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