People in love make me want to vomit
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
