I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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