we have officially lost it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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