so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
