I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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