walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
