Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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