you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
