there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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