No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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