having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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