If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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