Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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