he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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