My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
