**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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