Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
