If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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