That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
