i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then my night got REAL pukey
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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