what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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