Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
