I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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